Q: Why do so many housewives love Newcastle?
A: Cos they stay on top for ages and then come second.
Q: What is black and white, black and white and black and white?
A: A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.
Q: Why do they call Bobby Robson Hitler?
A: Because he cant win in europe either.
Q: What’s the difference between the Toon keeper and a taxi driver?
A: A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.
Q: Why do Geordie Supporters have Moustaches?
A: So they can look like their Mothers.
Q: What do Toon fans and laxatives have in common?
A: Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.
Q: What’s the ideal weight for a Newcastle supporter?
A: 3 pounds…that’s including the Urn.
Q: Why will Liverpool never win the League?
A: They keep scoring Owen goals.
Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool.
Q: What’s is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam’s only got two tits in front of her.
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2.000.000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain’t mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.
Q: Why did Beardsley never play in Scotland?
A: Cos he wiz afraid of the Bells (Scottish Premier).
Q: How many Aberdeen fans can you get in a police car?
A: One in the front, one in the back, and one on top going “nee naw neee naww neee naw”.
Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp-post in Aberdeen?
A: A leisure centre.
Q: Why did the Dons fan climb the glass window?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What’s the difference between an aberdeen fan and a Chimp?
A: Ones hairy, stupid and smells, and the other is a chimpanzee.
Q: What do you call an Aberdeen fan with lots of girlfriends?
A: A Shepherd.
Q: What do you call an Aberdeen fan with Five sheep?
A: A pimp.
Q: Why is the pitch at Pittodrie so Green?
A: Because they keep putting lots of shit on it.
Q: How do you kill a Dons fan when he’s been drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.
Q: What would David Beckham’s name be if he was a Spice Girl?
A: Waste of Spice.
Q: What do Barry Manilow and David Beckham have in common?
A: They are both fucking useless singers.
Q: Why is David Beckham like a Ferrero Roche?
A: They both come in a posh box.
Q: What’s the difference between David Beckham and Posh?
A: Posh Spice doesn’t kick back when she’s taken from behind.
Q: What do David Beckham and British rail trains have in common?
A: They both go in and out of Victoria.
Q: What do the England footbal team and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: They’ve both been screwed by David Beckham.
Q: Why did Posh Spice marry David Beckham?
A: Because he’s the only fella who can lob Seaman at 60 yards!
Q: Who would David Murray play in Lord of the Rings?
A: Legolas
Q: What do Rangers fans and mushrooms got in common?
A: They both sit in the dark and feed on nothing but crap.
Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don’t matter, cos they’re all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.
Q: How is a pint of milk different then a hun?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!
Q: What’s the difference between a Hun and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human being.
Q: What’s Blue, white, red and funny?
A: A bus load of Rangers supporters going over a cliff.
Q: What’s the difference between Rangers and a three pin plug?
A: Their both absolutely useless in Europe.
Q: How do you save a blue nosed Bear from drowning?
A: Take yer foot aff his heid.
Q: What’s the difference between a busload of Rangers fans and a Hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.
Q: What do Haemhorroids and Gers Fans have in common?
A: They’re both a complete pain in the arse and never seem to go away completely.
Q: What do Beckham and Rangers FC both have in common?
A: Both got Fucked by Victoria.
Q: Why did the Gers fan NEVER cross the road?
A: He was waiting for the Green Man to turn Orange.
Q: If you see a Celtic fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve and hit him?
A: You don’t want to damage your bike, do you?
Q: Do you know what Celtic really stands for?
A: Celtic Even Lost To Inverness Caley.
Q: What would you call 2 Sellik fans going over a cliff in a green Renualt Espace?
A: A complete waste of space. You could have squeezed 8 of them into one of those.
Q: What’s the difference between a Tim and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket.
Q: What do you call a Tim in Europe after Xmas?
A: A tourist.
Q: How do you get a one armed Irish Celtic fan down from a tree?
A: Wave at him.
Q: Why did the Tic fan cross the road?
A: Cos Sutton was on shooting practice.
Q: How do you keep a Sellik fan busy?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
