Manchester United Q&A Jokes
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
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Posted: May 16, 2007Comments: 65 Comments
Votes: 3, Average: 3.67 out of 5
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65 Comments
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**** c.ronaldo he is ****** child
Shut up stupid *** priks man u rox and ronaldo especially all the other teams r *** i dont see hardly any teams beating them in games
liverpool are ******* **** 1-0 u dickheads
LIVERPOOL FOOTBALL CLUB 5 TIMES EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS AND MAN UNITED HAVE HOW MANY TIMES ?????????????
i love manchester, when tevez apperas i sperm a little bit, hes so fit i want his babies, and his suasage
i really fancy christiano ronaldos nan, i like her carpet, she also makes nice food which i like becuase im a overweight slag, i her fajita hair and *** cheese
MAN.U SUK TITZ doz *** twatz !!!!! Lol:p
**** LIVERPOOL !!
These jokes could make anyone laugh if they were bout liverpool !!
C’MON UNITED !!
OLd Trafford is lefal…**** anfield
All u manu fans out there..
dont be bothered about what other suckers gotta say
they simply cant keep quite cos they are all jealous about us
MANCHESTER UNITED !!!!!!!
THE GREATEST CLUB FOREVER!!!
SCOUSERS AND ARSENAL AND CHELSEA AND CITY AND LEEDS FANS ALL SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
man utd are too ignorant they think their best team in england and europe
even tho im a chelsea supporter Liverpool are the best in england they have a much better history than man utd and best team of the 20th century is Real Madrid..
SO MANCHESTER UNITED CAN **** OFF
THE JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY ONLY ALL OF YOU ARE FUNNY
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TO ALL YOU ******* MANCHESTER UNITED FANS YEH; WHO HAS THE MOST TROPHIES INNIT.?????
YEH THATS WHAT I THOUGH. SO SHUT IT!!!!
liverpool all da waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man Utd rocks, **** all the liverfool fuckers. Utd all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey all you stupid Liverpool losers, who is in 1st place right now, who is going to Moscow on the 22nd, it surely isn’t your team!!!! Go back to Anfield and suck Rafael Benítez’s ****.
United is going ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After 37 games
United - 26w, 6d, 5l, 84p
Liverpool - 20w, 13d, 4l, 73p
Derby - 1w, 8d, 28l, 11p (what a joke)
man u r **** all of dem jkes r tru
its all about the GUNNERSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
manchster je naj boli i jaj jaći tim.jer ima naj ljepšeg i naj boljeg igraća c.ronalda.bih
MANURULES down there failed to provide the results of the manchester derbies in his little analasys.
GUNNERS BABY…….WE DA BEST!!!
MAN UTD. ARE **** AND ITS OUR TIME TO SHINE…ALL THE PLAYERS ARE OVERRATED!!!
poor ******* scousers. robbed all the cars in liverpool, no more left to steal, so they made some dumb jokes. what does a toilet and anfield have in common? there both full of ****
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