Manchester United Q&A Jokes

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.

Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!

Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.

Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.

Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.

Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.

90 Comments

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By sam mills on January 16, 2008 @ 6:33 am

i really fancy christiano ronaldos nan, i like her carpet, she also makes nice food which i like becuase im a overweight slag, i her fajita hair and *** cheese

By Anonymous on January 18, 2008 @ 10:41 am

MAN.U SUK TITZ doz *** twatz !!!!! Lol:p

By corratosh on January 21, 2008 @ 12:04 am

**** LIVERPOOL !!

These jokes could make anyone laugh if they were bout liverpool !!

C’MON UNITED !!

OLd Trafford is lefal…**** anfield

By ManUman`` on February 20, 2008 @ 12:06 am

All u manu fans out there..
dont be bothered about what other suckers gotta say
they simply cant keep quite cos they are all jealous about us
MANCHESTER UNITED !!!!!!!
THE GREATEST CLUB FOREVER!!!

SCOUSERS AND ARSENAL AND CHELSEA AND CITY AND LEEDS FANS ALL SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

By fuck man utd on March 21, 2008 @ 8:42 pm

man utd are too ignorant they think their best team in england and europe

even tho im a chelsea supporter Liverpool are the best in england they have a much better history than man utd and best team of the 20th century is Real Madrid..

SO MANCHESTER UNITED CAN **** OFF

By d.devil on April 4, 2008 @ 3:12 am

THE JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY ONLY ALL OF YOU ARE FUNNY
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By C h r ii s on April 8, 2008 @ 8:45 am

TO ALL YOU ******* MANCHESTER UNITED FANS YEH; WHO HAS THE MOST TROPHIES INNIT.?????

YEH THATS WHAT I THOUGH. SO SHUT IT!!!!

By lfc fan 4 life on April 8, 2008 @ 8:45 am

liverpool all da waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!

By The Don on April 10, 2008 @ 11:03 pm

Man Utd rocks, **** all the liverfool fuckers. Utd all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!

By MANURULES on May 5, 2008 @ 2:05 pm

Hey all you stupid Liverpool losers, who is in 1st place right now, who is going to Moscow on the 22nd, it surely isn’t your team!!!! Go back to Anfield and suck Rafael Benítez’s ****.
United is going ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After 37 games

United - 26w, 6d, 5l, 84p
Liverpool - 20w, 13d, 4l, 73p
Derby - 1w, 8d, 28l, 11p (what a joke)

By sean on May 14, 2008 @ 2:44 am

man u r **** all of dem jkes r tru
its all about the GUNNERSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

By adnana alihodzic on May 17, 2008 @ 9:07 am

manchster je naj boli i jaj jaći tim.jer ima naj ljepšeg i naj boljeg igraća c.ronalda.bih

By benjani wooooah on June 27, 2008 @ 6:15 pm

MANURULES down there failed to provide the results of the manchester derbies in his little analasys.

By Anonymous on July 5, 2008 @ 5:59 am

GUNNERS BABY…….WE DA BEST!!!

MAN UTD. ARE **** AND ITS OUR TIME TO SHINE…ALL THE PLAYERS ARE OVERRATED!!!

By Anonymous on July 9, 2008 @ 5:32 pm

poor ******* scousers. robbed all the cars in liverpool, no more left to steal, so they made some dumb jokes. what does a toilet and anfield have in common? there both full of ****

By Alabi soji on September 5, 2008 @ 6:13 am

man u i de feel u o

By Alabi soji on September 5, 2008 @ 6:22 am

All man u fans out there dont worry about what all those animals says they are all jealous

By Alabi soji on September 5, 2008 @ 6:37 am

All man u fans out there dont be bothered about those fools they are just jealous of us

By Alabi soji on September 5, 2008 @ 6:44 am

All man u fans dont be bothered about those fools they are just jealous about us. up man u down down other clubs

By adam on September 7, 2008 @ 4:19 am

*** man u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chelsea 4 life!!!!!!!!!

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