Manchester United Q&A Jokes
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
93 Comments
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hey man u and man city both rox.
a big F**k who feel that man u S**ks
It would’ve been funnier if it weren’t true. .
The last joke is the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“United fans can never take a joke, even though they are a joke!!”
haha, now thats a real joke. man u suck.
Man u sucks….liverpool rulz guys..no comment
Liverpool rule fuckassssss
All the jokes sucks. Only ******* idiots laugh
Cibai for all of u.
some of these jokes are funny, some are ****, and some are just true! I’m a singin, standin red, a manc, stay till the final whistle and won’t pay glazer, but unfortunately theres not many of us left. Old Trafford is full of prawn sandwhiches
dis is mintage. the truth hurts UTD fans .DUNNIT
Which team would win Chelsea or Machester United?
Manchester United couse Chcelsea sucks someones **** instead of playing!!
I love Manchester united!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
those jokes are really freaking lame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAN U IS THE BEST TEAM WHICH HAS EVER PUT THERE FEET ON A PITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERY DAMN LIVERPOOL *** CAN TAKE THERE DAMN LIVERPOOL AND DRIVE IT UP WERE THEY DONT WANT EYYY! HEHE OWN’D!
**** c.ronaldo he is ****** child
Shut up stupid *** priks man u rox and ronaldo especially all the other teams r *** i dont see hardly any teams beating them in games
liverpool are ******* **** 1-0 u dickheads
LIVERPOOL FOOTBALL CLUB 5 TIMES EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS AND MAN UNITED HAVE HOW MANY TIMES ?????????????
i love manchester, when tevez apperas i sperm a little bit, hes so fit i want his babies, and his suasage
i really fancy christiano ronaldos nan, i like her carpet, she also makes nice food which i like becuase im a overweight slag, i her fajita hair and *** cheese
MAN.U SUK TITZ doz *** twatz !!!!! Lol:p
**** LIVERPOOL !!
These jokes could make anyone laugh if they were bout liverpool !!
C’MON UNITED !!
OLd Trafford is lefal…**** anfield
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