Manchester United Q&A Jokes

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.

Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!

Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.

Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.

Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.

Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.

93 Comments

Pages: < 1 2 3 4 5 >

By Adham on June 29, 2007 @ 8:33 am

I am a United fan

but these jokes are kind of funny to be honest!

By Fergie on July 1, 2007 @ 6:31 pm

MAN UTD SUCKS THE MOST IN THE WORLD!!!
BLOODY DEVILS!!

By ssm9452 on July 6, 2007 @ 6:15 am

stupid jokes…

By Omy Gregory on July 8, 2007 @ 12:52 am

******* scum

By MAN U on July 13, 2007 @ 11:29 am

who ever wrote this **** ****** sucks ****

By one for the road on July 28, 2007 @ 10:48 am

THE FUNNIEST JOKES EVER… MILAN FOREVER YOU MAN,U ********!!!

By mourinho on August 6, 2007 @ 12:44 pm

lol ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha good stuff

By shit on August 6, 2007 @ 4:52 pm

TRUe….True..True////////**** ronaldo

By jisssica saulaaaa on August 6, 2007 @ 4:53 pm

I hate man u….******* ********

By United_United on August 7, 2007 @ 1:38 am

*** u ***** man united rulez this jokes suk ***

By The Kop on August 8, 2007 @ 3:28 am

United fans can never take a joke, even though they are a joke!!

By lance_07 on August 8, 2007 @ 5:55 am

hey does jokes arent funny
that’s just weak you f**k idiot

By Alao Baba Tunde on August 21, 2007 @ 3:01 am

Manchester United is the Best Among The Best In The World For Know

By Alao Baba Tunde on August 21, 2007 @ 3:03 am

**** You Mourinho **** Chelsea , **** All Chelsea Fans

By Go Chelsea on August 23, 2007 @ 11:06 pm

All man united dickheads and their fans can go suck alex furgesons dik

By Go Chelsea on August 23, 2007 @ 11:08 pm

Learn how to play soccer u dikheads u only got 2 points lmfao

By Go Chelsea on August 23, 2007 @ 11:08 pm

Man united people wank over c.ronaldo, wat poofs

By cool94 on August 24, 2007 @ 2:20 am

shut up stupid man u is the best

By Saad on August 28, 2007 @ 1:40 am

i HaTe MaNu.. buH DezE JoKeZz SUK !!!!! Dude.. u gotta Die..!

By Rokstr on August 29, 2007 @ 7:59 am

des jokes rule!!!!!!!!!!
MANU suxxxx 2 d core…2 d core…
d wrst team eva MANU…yuxxxx

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