Manchester United Q&A Jokes

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.

Q: What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Q: What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are fucking bad singers!!!

Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.

Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.

Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.

Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.

92 Comments

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By arsenal.... on October 1, 2008 @ 9:31 pm

manu has no balls.all of them watch the olympics diving team very closely.especially Christina.he plays like goddamn girl.lol

By tama on October 17, 2008 @ 6:11 am

to all ***-no-hall (ARSENAL) FANS;the end justifies the means n its all abt the primear title.not to lead only to loose the 11th hour

By Nomex on November 4, 2008 @ 1:28 am

**** U ALL LIVERPOOL FUCKED UP FANS…MANUTD ROCKZZ!!! n again **** YOU!!

By one small arsenal fan on November 8, 2008 @ 12:27 pm

haha Arsenal - ManUnited 2:1
Arsenal R-U-L-E-Z
Nasri and the others the best
Arsenal is the best team in the world

By FUCK ARSENAL on December 1, 2008 @ 8:07 am

——MU FOREVER——, ARSENAL, CHELSEA, LIVERPOOL SUCKS!!!!!!!!

By CJMelnyk93 on December 30, 2008 @ 2:16 pm

Liverpool Is Full Of Scag Heads, London Full Of Black Wanna Be Bluds And Manchesters Just As Bad But At Least Have A Quality Team

By suraj kumar lama on January 4, 2009 @ 6:26 am

Dear, message reader Iam 18 years old young lads of Nepal.and wants to have a free football trails on the fields of man united.please send me a reply back i hope you will.GOOD BYE.suraj kumar lama.

By Villa!! on February 6, 2009 @ 4:00 am

Ur all a bunch of glory hunting wankers!! Y dont u support ur local team? i bet u have only seen 5 united, chelsea, liverpool or arsenal games between u!! Actually i cant say Arsenal fans are glory hunters cuz look where they are now, Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
C’mon Villa!!!!

By the #1 C. Ronaldo FAN on March 13, 2009 @ 4:39 pm

Man u is beast. Thats y wer goin 2 win theyre 11th Premier League title this season. Were goin 2 whip Liverpool tomorrow and leave them in the dust. O and i forgot 2 mention were also gonna win the Champions League as well. So Arsenal keep ur butts down their in 5th and Liverpool and Chelsea can stay tied for seconnd while we take off. LETS GO RED DEVILS!!!!!!!!!!

By Arsene Wenger on May 6, 2009 @ 6:33 am

Man Utd were the better team, and there is nothing that can be done or said to change that. I should have signed the Real Madrid contract yesterday, but thought my team was good enough to win. I hope Real still accept me.

By Martin Taylor on May 6, 2009 @ 6:38 am

I am a man utd season ticket holder ‘villa!!’ (earlier post) and have been since 1985, I am not a glory hunter. Villa have had one good season and thats it, they are world beaters, sorry arent they the team that got dumped out of europe, I cannot even pronounce the team name ! haha, and since your were meant to be challenging the top four, where are you in the league ? Before going off your trolley and calling everyone foul names, I suggest you think first about what you are talking about and then post. Man Utd must be a good team otherwise they would not be where they are ! dickhead ! Macheda macheda !!! hahaha ! xxx

By la_bandita on May 15, 2009 @ 3:42 am

GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED they’re the best no one will ever change it!!!

By U WO on May 20, 2009 @ 5:16 am

HAHA RONALDO IS GONNA LEAVE AND GO TO REAL MADRID, URE NOTHING WITHOUT HIM

By jgvsdchg on June 3, 2009 @ 4:32 am

suagv sjhg bsdhghnrkbszkn ewkuym smjgj ghkbn wkjhb sejfgh dfkuy sdgiugm skygjbsdf jy
**** THE SKRAP BARCELONA RULES

By Anonymous on July 20, 2009 @ 9:12 pm

bore

By Barca Man on August 5, 2009 @ 8:40 pm

Barca’s way better than all you fools who support this poor club. You’ll be nothing when Christiano Ronaldo leaves and these jokes are real good

By Anonymous on September 6, 2009 @ 9:26 pm

ronaldo worth ain’t ****…… we made him a better player and we’ve got owen now….all the way to the treble again……as the reds go marching on………..

By Kasra(Iran) on September 20, 2009 @ 9:45 am

manchester united is the best and fastest club team in the world(whit RONALDO and TEVEZ or without them)
mufc 4-3 mancity
JUST REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVILS!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By lozzii on December 5, 2009 @ 1:36 pm

HaaHaa MAN U r scumm liverpool aall the way